Excuse me, but I’m Not Too Old For Motherhood!

Is that your granddaughter? A question that I’ve been asked twice in the last past month. Also, a question that I’m tired of being asked. 

In this day and age of women who have waited to have a career and then focus on a family, I can’t believe I’m asked this question. In a country where celebrities such as Jane Seymour can have twins at the age of forty-four, do we really still think that giving birth is for the young and twenty-somethings only? 

While my two older daughters are eighteen and fifteen, that does not mean that a new baby in my home also means that one of them must have given birth. Pardon me folks–but the plumbing is still in working condition! And what is this saying about my daughters? That’s not how things run in my household. So there is no way that either of them would have a child at their age.

These days women are made to feel like they’ve done something wrong by becoming pregnant later in their lifetime. Even the medical world makes it sound as if it’s a dark day to be pregnant and over the age of thirty-five. We are labeled, “AMA” Advanced Maternal Age. That should be a good thing. We’ve come so far, and done so much in our lives and yes, we are still capable of creating life. How about, “High Risk”?  I understand the odds do increase after that thirty-fifth birthday, but any pregnancy can be high risk.

However true it is, it doesn’t make you feel any younger when you hear those comments for what seems like everyday, for nine months straight. We have enough to worry about with the baby in general. Then we finally experience one of the greatest moments in our live and our little bundle of joy has arrived. We’re feeling good. Looking decent as we possibly can look, with a newborn and very little sleep. We we finally get the nerve to venture back out into the world, do we really need the added comments from strangers asking us, “Is that your grandchild?” or “Who’s baby is that?”  What are you saying? After thirty-five,  you can be a sexy cougar, but you can’t have a baby. We’re older people, but we still have feelings. If you cut us, do we not bleed? Or were you expecting dust?

So to all those people out there who think having a baby after you reach thirty-five is some kind of dark, and mystic miracle, I really just have to say…EXCUSE ME, BUT I’M NOT TO OLD FOR MOTHERHOOD! Now I feel a little better.


3 thoughts on “Excuse me, but I’m Not Too Old For Motherhood!

  1. There’s nothing wrong with getting pregnant at the age of 35+. My mom was already 30+ years old when she gave birth to our youngest and I’ve know a lot of woman who get pregnant on a that age too..

  2. As a mother of a special needs child, I find offense to the label of at-risk pregnancy for women over the age of 35 for the reasons of Down Syndrome risks. HOW IS HAVING A HUMAN BEING THAT IS DIFFERENT A MEDICAL RISK? This is socially and medically enforced discrimination.

    Women have come a long way in the areas of social acceptance, educational statues, and career advancement. As we encourage society to understand our choices, we must also give some respect for the thoughts and beliefs of those who are still stuck in a more restricted life stage.

    With all the advancements women have made, society still has so far to go in the area of race relations. I am a mother of 3 bi-racial children and I am asked nearly daily where I adopted my children from.

    I am sure that being of a minority group in addition to being a new mother over the age of 35 puts the writer at a greater risk for society to release their racial biases upon her.

    I feel the writer needs not calm down; she needs to let society hear the hurt they impose through their inability to think before they speak.

  3. Great post. I have two good friends who had their first child in their early 40’s and they are no different from any other mother.

    We as women or mothers can never win. I am the blonde haired, blue eyed mother of two multiracial children. My daughter looks full black, my son looks white with a little bit of something in him. Even though their facial features are identical, I’m constantly asked who my daughter’s mother is, or my favourite, why is her hair different than mine?

    If I’m not being questioned or commented on about my children’s race, I’m getting judged as a young mother. Even though I’m 28, I can still pass for my late teens. Imagine how that looks to people when I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old, who also look like they are two different races.

    I don’t care how it looks but what amazes me is the way people feel they have the right to make comments about the way my family looks, or make judgments on my family and I. If one more person refers to my husband as my “child’s father” I think I may punch someone in the face. People need to start listening to their words and the message they are sending with them.

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