Internet Diversions: eBay Seller Auctioning Nicolas-Cage-is-Really-a-Vampire Photo

You can be the proud owner of said photo – for just a million dollars!

Posted by Kate Erbland Monday, September 19, 2011 12:10:22 PM

Last week, an eBay auction of a photograph lit up the Internet-ing world with both silliness and a big conspiracy bent. The photo came with its own wacky theory – that Nicolas Cage was secretly a vampire. eBay seller “jack_mord” was hawking a photo, billed simply as “Nicolas Cage is a Vampire / Photo from 1870 / Tennessee,” complete with its own presumption that Cage is not just a talented (and Oscar-winning!) actor from a Hollywood family (who may be prone to some of his own offbeat life choices), but a vampire who will rise up like a phoenix every few years, only to garner popular glory in whatever time period he lands.

The price for that little photo? A cool million dollars.

The photo is said to be from the 1870’s, featuring a man that looks like Cage, but whom seller jack_mord believes is Cage and “that he is some sort of walking undead / vampire, et cetera, who quickens / reinvents himself once every 75 years or so. 150 years from now, he might be a politician, the leader of a cult, or a talk show host.” If I was going to go through all that trouble, I think I’d aim a tad bit higher than “talk show host,” but who am I to presume that I understand vampire Cage’s endgame career choices? The photo is billed as documenting a Civil War-era man who lived in Bristol, Tennessee. Found in album that contained “an unusual number of Civil War era death portraits,” the man in the picture was the only one not identified by name. Conspiracy!

And while the photo alone is worthy some serious scrutinizing and a few laughs, the Q&A section on the photo’s auction page is truly priceless. In it, jack_mord answers various questions like “If Nicolas Cage dies, thereby being proven to not be a vampire, do I get a refund?” and “will you hand-deliver anywhere in the universe?” and the comment-as-question “Nick Cage has aged terribly in the past 10 years, he’s obviously not been drinking his daily amount of blood to stay young” that results in an answer that expounds upon the Cage-as-vampire theory.

Of course, there’s one small hitch when it comes to this clever little slice of movie memorabilia and conspiracy theory – vampires don’t get captured in photographs. Duh.

Sadly, as of now, the photo has been pulled from auction. Now that’s a conspiracy. [THR]